Second Page (Well, now what?)

[Note: This short story that is not so short is being serialized and rewritten in my blog. This is the second installment.]

Now, what indeed. I started serializing this monster of a story. I figure a page or so a post will force me to see it on a micro level, so I can decide what the Sam heck to do with it. I suppose I could rewrite it on the bottom at least twice (why try to do too much) and choose the best parts. The good news is that I'm doing this regularly. Now, if only I would brave up and get some feedback. Brave up, brave up!

==============Second Short Segment===========
“Bad for Gila Bend: Good for business. You two go see Doc and get some water.
I’ll go see the leader about getting paid for the last kill,” Summer grabbed the pack from Sad’s back, and readjusted his slayer weapon. Sad analyzed the shorter silver slayer stick and saw the new serrated edge on it. Most hunters favored a longer pole-like creation, but his father liked to move quickly.

Jack whooped, “Can I get a bike?”

Summer and Sad both answered, “No.”

They boys walked for a bit, until they found the small structure. It was white with a large red cross outside the front door. There were no patients waiting outside. They snuck in, keeping low. It was Jack’s favorite.

Sad Summer-Hunter listened intently; that only made the itch on his head intensify, as a bastard louse bit the right side of his head. He stared at Doc and his well-kept hair. Sad was sure Doc never smelled like crap. Sure he never had to shave his head. In fact, Doc’s hair was always a shiny clean black.

“It’s the worst week,” Doc said. Today, he wore a large army jacket that got in the way of his work. Sad always liked visiting Doc, but there was no candy anywhere in sight. He hoped Doc would eventually notice his scratching, so he would offer something for the lice.

The woman squeezed Doc’s shoulder, “What else can you do, Doc? Even doctor-doctors rarely deliver healthy babies. It’s near im-fucking-possible. You do what you can with the med-book and your training. Better than those leaf plastering jerks with their herbal bullshit or the Jesus miracle workers.”

Doc snorted, “I guess, but this one,” he sighed showing her a jar with blue liquid, “this one was normal. See? No claws.”

Jack was about to pounce on Doc, but he noticed the small thing in the jar. It looked like a skinned rat.

“What’s that?” asked Jack.

Sad shushed him.

Doc and the woman looked back at them, “Jack and Sad! When did you guys get here? Where’s your dad?”

Doc hid the jar in a drawer, “Rita, these are my pals, Jack and Sad.”

“What was that you stuck in the drawer?” Jack asked louder.

“Don’t worry, little dude. Here,” said Doc pulling a purple lollypop out of a secret pocket, “bet you haven’t had this flavor.”

Sad stamped his foot, “He always gets the best ‘cuz he’s little!”

“Hey, stop that whiney bitch act!” said his father, stepping in from behind. Sad snapped his mouth shut.

“It’s cool, Summer. I got one for him too.”

Sad squealed and snatched the candy.